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books:leonard_and_hungry_paul [2023-06-16 00:17] – [Chapter 7] awfkibooks:leonard_and_hungry_paul [2023-06-20 12:03] (current) – [Chapter 6] awfki
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 Spoilers ahead, though I think that if you care about spoilers then you must not know how to enjoy the ride. Spoilers ahead, though I think that if you care about spoilers then you must not know how to enjoy the ride.
  
 +In almost every case below there's more goodness around the bits I've quoted, I just highlighted the part I wanted to comment on.
 +----
 ===== Chapter 2 ===== ===== Chapter 2 =====
 <blockquote> <blockquote>
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 </blockquote> </blockquote>
 Not one of the wise bits, just humor that I hadn't considered.  Sadly they don't play decent games, just old crap-games that muggles would know. Not one of the wise bits, just humor that I hadn't considered.  Sadly they don't play decent games, just old crap-games that muggles would know.
 +----
 <blockquote> <blockquote>
 "Maybe it's not just the universe that expands and contracts" "Maybe it's not just the universe that expands and contracts"
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-I have a bookmark on a page a bit later but I didn't highlight anything. I believe I marked it for the discussion about the ways our lives expand and contract. Mine was always pretty small and has contracted about as far as it can unless I move to the wilderness and become a hermit. And yet, it's also expanded as I learned to meditate, and to see false stories, and so expanded my tribe. Of course, it's a one way expansion in that humanity is in my tribe but they don't think I'm in theirs. 🤷+An interesting discussion about the ways our lives expand and contract. Mine was always pretty small and has contracted about as far as it can unless I move to the wilderness and become a hermit. And yet, it's also expanded as I learned to meditate, and to see false stories, and so expanded my tribe. Of course, it's a one way expansion in that humanity is in my tribe but they don't think I'm in theirs. 🤷
  
  
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 </blockquote> </blockquote>
  
-I get that sentiment but it comes from bullshit definitions of maleness. If you're male then any way that you behave is a form of maleness. The most flamboyantly feminine gay man exhibits maleness in his every move because maleness is a spectrum that runs from super butch assholes who are afraid of their feelings to ultra feminine queers who cry at the drop of a hat. Why would limit maleness, especially if you're male?  The answer is, because you're trying to fit in with a tribe that believes stupid things.+I get that sentiment but it comes from bullshit definitions of maleness. If you're male then any way that you behave is a form of maleness. The most flamboyantly feminine gay man exhibits maleness in his every move because maleness is a spectrum that runs from super butch assholes who are afraid of their feelings to ultra feminine queers who cry at the drop of a hat. Why would you limit maleness, especially if you're male?  The answer is, because you're trying to fit in with a tribe that believes stupid things.
  
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 +No comment, except I want a friendship like that. 
 +----
 <blockquote> <blockquote>
 The only problem was that Leonard had discovered a flaw in their way of life. It was fine so long as everything else stayed the same.  The only problem was that Leonard had discovered a flaw in their way of life. It was fine so long as everything else stayed the same. 
 </blockquote> </blockquote>
  
 +And this is why //impermanence// is a core tenet of Buddhism. Things change, and that's just a fact, and you'll be better prepared for the change if you go in with your eyes open.
 +----
 <blockquote> <blockquote>
 Leonard’s natural instinct was to retreat and to create a safe bubble. But the bubble feeds on itself. Solitude and peace lose their specialness when they no longer stand in contrast to anything. In a busy—or at least busier—life, quiet reflection provides resonance to experience. But to deprive life of experiences deliberately and to hide from its realities was not special. It was just another form of fear that led to a life-limiting loneliness that accumulated and accumulated until it became so big that it blocked up the front door, drowned out conversations and put other people behind soundproof glass.  Leonard’s natural instinct was to retreat and to create a safe bubble. But the bubble feeds on itself. Solitude and peace lose their specialness when they no longer stand in contrast to anything. In a busy—or at least busier—life, quiet reflection provides resonance to experience. But to deprive life of experiences deliberately and to hide from its realities was not special. It was just another form of fear that led to a life-limiting loneliness that accumulated and accumulated until it became so big that it blocked up the front door, drowned out conversations and put other people behind soundproof glass. 
 </blockquote> </blockquote>
  
 +Our social media bubbles are similar.  We're afraid of being wrong so we hide in the bubble that big tech provides and we jeer at the people in the other bubble because we're lazy and scared. It's easy to stay in the bubble and if you question the bubble the other occupants can get quite angry. But living in a bubble is unhealthy, whether it's an individual bubble or a social one. They make us fragile and even scarier, they make society more fragile. 
 +
 +----
 <blockquote> <blockquote>
 And anyway, Leonard was discovering that distancing himself from people didn’t even bring peace. The more he separated himself from others, the more they become unfathomable and perplexing. The distance just made him lose perspective. If he wasn’t careful he could turn vinegary and judgemental, like that man he used to see in the supermarket, muttering to himself with egg down the front of his jumper. In fact, he had discovered that he was less critical of people when he allowed them in. People, it turns out, weren’t so bad. At least that was true of some people. And maybe that was the trick: to find the right people; to be able to recognise them and to know how to appreciate them when you do find them. And anyway, Leonard was discovering that distancing himself from people didn’t even bring peace. The more he separated himself from others, the more they become unfathomable and perplexing. The distance just made him lose perspective. If he wasn’t careful he could turn vinegary and judgemental, like that man he used to see in the supermarket, muttering to himself with egg down the front of his jumper. In fact, he had discovered that he was less critical of people when he allowed them in. People, it turns out, weren’t so bad. At least that was true of some people. And maybe that was the trick: to find the right people; to be able to recognise them and to know how to appreciate them when you do find them.
 </blockquote> </blockquote>
 +
 +This.  The vast majority of people just want to live their lives. They want to contribute and be useful but they're afraid of being taken advantage of. 
 +
 +
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 ==== Chapter 19 ==== ==== Chapter 19 ====
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 +I don't know that it's true but it wouldn't surprise me at all.
 +----
 <blockquote> <blockquote>
 Memories feel real but they’re not. Memories feel real but they’re not.
 </blockquote> </blockquote>
-HP is a Zen master... 
  
 +FIXME - some good Buddhism here
 +----
 <blockquote> <blockquote>
 One time I was going on about work and how I was overlooked for promotion and how ageist it all was and he just cuts me off and says “That’s just a story.” Nothing more. Just like that. “That’s just a story.” And the thing is he was right. It was just a story I was telling myself. When I stopped telling it, it went away.’ One time I was going on about work and how I was overlooked for promotion and how ageist it all was and he just cuts me off and says “That’s just a story.” Nothing more. Just like that. “That’s just a story.” And the thing is he was right. It was just a story I was telling myself. When I stopped telling it, it went away.’
 </blockquote> </blockquote>
  
 +FIXME - more buddhism
 THIS! THIS! THIS! It's all just bullshit stories that we're telling ourselves and the stories make us miserable. But the stories are optional. THIS! THIS! THIS! It's all just bullshit stories that we're telling ourselves and the stories make us miserable. But the stories are optional.
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  I am just sorry it took me so long to realise I was holding you back, but not in the way you think. I have been holding you back by letting you hold onto this precious, fictional version of yourself. You’re addicted to your own competence. I should have tried sooner to help you so that you could discover for yourself how impossible it is to help somebody.’  I am just sorry it took me so long to realise I was holding you back, but not in the way you think. I have been holding you back by letting you hold onto this precious, fictional version of yourself. You’re addicted to your own competence. I should have tried sooner to help you so that you could discover for yourself how impossible it is to help somebody.’
 </blockquote> </blockquote>
 +----
 <blockquote> <blockquote>
 Yes, our parents will grow old and yes they will get sick and yes they will die, but that will happen to us two as well. Where you’re wrong is that you think that’s a problem in the future. But it’s not. The answer to that problem is to spend time with them now. Be in their lives so that when the worst happens—which we hope is many years away—there will have been ten, twenty, however many years of Scrabble, University Challenge, curries, walks, gardening and whatever else behind us. And then, when the time comes we’ll know what to do. Not because we’ll have it all figured it out but because we will have had the habit, the practice, of loving them and being with them, and the utter clarity that comes with that. Yes, our parents will grow old and yes they will get sick and yes they will die, but that will happen to us two as well. Where you’re wrong is that you think that’s a problem in the future. But it’s not. The answer to that problem is to spend time with them now. Be in their lives so that when the worst happens—which we hope is many years away—there will have been ten, twenty, however many years of Scrabble, University Challenge, curries, walks, gardening and whatever else behind us. And then, when the time comes we’ll know what to do. Not because we’ll have it all figured it out but because we will have had the habit, the practice, of loving them and being with them, and the utter clarity that comes with that.
 </blockquote> </blockquote>
 +----
  
 <blockquote> <blockquote>
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   * **perspicacious**: having keen mental perception and understanding; discerning   * **perspicacious**: having keen mental perception and understanding; discerning
   * **mews house**: A mews is a row or courtyard of stables and carriage houses with living quarters above them, built behind large city houses before motor vehicles replaced horses.   * **mews house**: A mews is a row or courtyard of stables and carriage houses with living quarters above them, built behind large city houses before motor vehicles replaced horses.
-  *